13th Day of Lent - Archangel Gabriel 🎺 Messenger of God- Trumpeting Good News - Texting with Delight
Celebrate Arch Angel Gabriel Today!
Monday, March 14th, 2022
Saint Gabriel is well known as the Messenger who brings very good news. When Saint Joseph was away from Mary, it was Gabriel who appeared to give Mary the astounding message that she would soon be giving birth to Baby Jesus via Immaculate Conception.
Gabriel, along with Michael, Raphael and Uriel is exalted above all the other Angels and Cherubs. His medal typically displays Saint Gabriel with a horn because he is alerting everyone with very good news! He often holds a lily, believed to represent the Holy Trinity, or maybe the New Orleans Saints.
Gabriel is quite naturally the patron saint of the United States Post Office, Fed Ex, UPS, and Amazon. He gets all of their messages and sends them where they need to go. Gabriel is obviously the patron of cable and television broadcasters, and philatelists (better known as “Stamp Collector") are very fond of Archangel Gabriel. Since Gabriel is the patron of broadcasters, it’s not a stretch to surmise he is also the patron Saint of the “Talking Heads!” Is it any wonder that “Naïve Melody” (This Must Be the Place) is a beloved song? The lyrics are subtle and profound:
Home is where you want to be.
But we guess you’re already there.
You come home.
Gabriel lifts up up his wings and says,
“I guess this this must be the place!”
Michael the Archangel, Hand-Painted Saint Medal, Archangel, Heavenly Triumph, Cemetery Preservation
Saints for Sinners$29.95
Uriel the Archangel, Hand-Painted Medal, Patron of Arts, Sciences, Poetry, Creativity
Saints for Sinners$29.95
Raphael the Archangel, Hand-Painted Medal, Patron of Love, Healing, Happy Meetings
Saints for Sinners$20.00
The Roggler
This comment… Is for that amazing story as told by MYROGSSMELLNICE… Truly inspirational… I’m going to tell it to my 97-year-old grandpa and see how he reacts. He’ll love it. Truly mesmerized. Keep up the great work!
turns dreams cream into lean
MYROGSSMELLNICE
One day, Gabriel was sitting on a park bench when all of a sudden, some kid named Joe busted in through the ground and killed Gabriel with a single word and that word was “MAMA”. Gabriel was #blownaway while T-posing because he couldn’t handle this assault. Joe finally saved us. Too bad for Joe, though… Gabriel is IMMORTAL and hit Joe on the head with a frying pan he bought from that 90’s cellphone store down the street. “I should jump in a random cadillac today.” Gabe thought to himself. All of a sudden, he smells tension in the air when two besties break up with each other. “OOH THE TENSION’’ Gab teleported to where the tension was and this random ass kid named Jonah started sobbing because he wouldn’t be able to kiss his ‘baba boy again. Jonah drove off in his cadillac with silly Gab in the back. “Yo, homie. Why’d you leave your homegorl behind.” “WHO SAID THAT.” Jonah yelped as he thrusted into the ceiling fan. “YOUR MOM” Gabriel exclaimed while giving the Mona Lisa a kiss. “I will defeat you!” Jonah said, confidently. “Not if I defeat you first.” Gabriel said as he killed Jonah. Not even a second later, Jonah ascended from the ground. “You fool, I was actually the turtle from Kung Fu Panda this entire time. You will now perish.” Gabriel was #sofrightened that he flung into the ceiling fan that Jonah thrusted into but his weave got snatched and he turned bald. His hair flew out of the frame and onto the Preacher’s scalp. “I’m beautiful now!” Preacher exclaimed. “You were always beautiful” I said as I sat on the Preacher’s scalp(I’m Gabriel’s hair by the way). “MY WEAVE” Gabriel screeched in rat as he T-Posed over to Preacher and gave her cheeks a slap. “Is it because I’m a woman” Gabriel was #soflabbergasted that he combusted and his ashes flew all the way to New York only for him to be reborn into God. Silly Gab flew all the way back to the Preacher and destroyed her goofiness. Gab had stolen his hair back. Too bad for Gab, the Preacher was actually the president of the United States and magically turned the scenery into a court room. “Garbiel, you are guilty because you farted in Jonah’s car.” Preacher exclaimed as she thrusted into the ceiling fan Gab lost his weave in. “Your honor, if I were guilty, could I do THIS?” Gabriel said as he started twerking in saviour. “I SAY HE’S INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.” A random ass drunk dude said in the corner. It turns out, the random ass drunk dude was none other than CRISPY SOCK MAN. “INTRUDER, YOU HAVE COME FOR MY RESCUING.” Intruder ran towards Gab and gave him a smooch. “LET’S GET MARRIED.” Gabriel exclaimed while holding his Unholy Bible. “WAIT- I’M ALSO A PRIEST” Preacher said as she jumped over the judges table and set up an entire wedding event. All of a sudden, JESUS CHRIST WALKED IN. “GABRIEL.” I said as I sat on Gab’s scalp(I’m still his hair by the way). “I THOUGHT YOU OVERTHREW HIM” “I DID” Gab T-Posed over to Jesus in his wedding dress to overthrow Jesus a second time while twerking on his body. “We can get married now-” Gab said as he walked down the aisle in his wedding dress. “Do you, true Lord and Saviour Archangel Gabriel take this crispy sock as your lawfully wedded husbando for as long as you shall live which seems to be forever at this point-” “I DO” “Do you, Crispy Sock Man, take this blonde emo faggot murder angel as your husbando” “I DUN DIDDLY DOO TOO” Intruder said while playing his banjo. “You may now touch lips” Preacher said while flipping her hair. “NO WITNESSES.” Gabriel screeched as he started acsending and literally killed everyone in the room. “Gabriel why do you do this to people.” Intruder questioned “shut.” Gabriel said as he snapped his fingers and killed Intruder but brought him back to life $20 later. “Are you okay, Intruder-” Preacher #epicly asks. “I’m fine. He does this all the time. Then he realizes he can’t do his job without me and brings me back to life-” Intruder says #sosadly. “What’s his job again-” “He kinda forces people to worship him-” “IT’S MY FAVORITE HOBBY” Gabriel said while T-Posing and spinning around while floating. “Gabriel- WE’VE BEEN THROUGH THIS. IT IS NOT A HOBBY. IT IS A KINK.” Intruder said while sipping the forbidden purple juice. “STOP TELLING MY SECRETS” “Gabriel- It’s not a secret if everyone knows about it.” Gab was #soflabbergasted that he fell down from the surface world where all the Sans x Papyrus shippers roam the land in need of more juicy content. “What on Earth-” “OMG LOOK SANS IT”S A HUMAN” Italian spaghetti man Papyrus exclaimed. Garbiel got #flabbergasted again and slapped Papyrus all the way to Kookamunga where all the drunk dudes are. “Anygays-” Gab thrusted feet first all the way back to the court room which then turned into Thatcher’s closet for some reason. “Billy- what are you doing here-” Gab says as he sees a skinny man twerking in Thatcher’s closet. “I’m waiting for them to play Gangnam Style” Billy said while Roblox /e dancing “No, seriously. What are you doing here-” Gab said, #confused. “I’m spying on this police officer- But I got scared because now he’s spying on me-” Billy said while gaining scoliosis as he broke his spinal cord trying to do a full 180 baby. “What do you mean he’s spying on you-” Gab looks out the closet to see an emo man blankly staring at the closet. “HE-” Billy screeched. “HE’S MAKING FUN OF ME BECAUSE I HAVEN’T COME OUT YET.” “Honestly Billy- I think you’re confusing him-” Gab said while T-Posing. “What do you mean I’m confusing him-” “Why are you even in his closet in the first place.” “Well uh- Why are YOU in his closet?” “I WAS TRYING TO GET BACK TO THE COURT ROOM.” “How many times are you gonna get sent to a court room man- It’s been like 69 times so far” “People don’t appreciate how much I slay.” “You mean they don’t appreciate how much you force them to worship you-” Gab slapped Billy and floated through the wall disobeying the laws of physics like the true queen he his. Little did Gab know, he actually floated into a McDonald’s where some people were having their romantic date. All of the sudden, the McDonald’s started ascending into the sky and backflipping to that one song about being under the sea. “You know what- I’m done with the human world. It’s time for me to move on.” Gab said as he jumped off the McDonald’s. Too bad for Gab, he was immortal and couldn’t actually die. “Well, shit- Time to read this orbituary I made for Jonah when I killed him- “Jonah had died of being of no balls to face blonde man who kill him. He was of great one. He was gay.-” “That was the most terrible orbituary I’ve ever heard in my life. “I’M NOT DONE YET, IDIOT.” Gab said while thrusting into the ceiling fan(he didn’t lose me this time, don’t worry- and incase you didn’t remember- I’m still his hair). ”Huh- I was expecting you to leave me again, my weave.” “Why would I do that baby gorl.” I said as I flipped my hair(yes, his hair has hair- don’t question it). “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT.” Gab was #soflabbergasted that he started shitting, sobbing, pissing, and farting everywhere because he couldn’t handle his hair calling him baby gorl. “Gabriel do you have balls” I ask while T-Posing(I’m still his hair by the-)“NOBODY CARES” Some random guy said. “What-” Gab asked #soconfused. “Do you. Have balls.” “I was made without a gender- Why would you think I even have private parts homie.” “So like… When you go to scratch your balls… How does that work-” “You know what- I’m getting a new weave.” “NO WAIT PLEASE.” “YOU BETTER PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER OR I’M SHAVING YOU OFF AND GETTING A WIG.” Gab said as he started dancing. “I swear I’ll be a good baba boy” Just then, the news channel popped up on some random TV that appeared out of nowhere. “What- is it another broadcast about my sexy alternates-” Gab said while T-posing for the 8 millionth time. “Tragedy today, some blonde emo guy keeps loosing his weave in ceiling fans. Here’s the video-” Gab gasped as it showed a video about his weave flying away by the use of ceiling fans. “WHAT” Gab exclaimed while thrusting into a toaster(I bet you all thought I was going to put CEILING FAN. Gab and I are way too classy for those now). “Hey, atleast they’ll think you’re a different person now that you’re thrusting into toaster’s.” Just then the news channel popped up again. “Tragedy today, the same blonde emo guy is now about to loose his hair to a toaster.” “Wh- HOW DO THEY KNOW THAT-” Gab turned around as he saw none other than Billy and Intruder video recording them and talking into a microphone. “I KNEW THAT NEWS REPORTER LOOKED FAMILIAR.” Just then, the news channel popped up AGAIN, “Tradegy today, I’m about to die.” “YEAH YOU ARE” Gab said as he grabbed his weave a threw it at Intruder and hit him in the face. “WE ARE BRACKING UP. YOU ARE CHETTING ON ME.” Gab said while T-Posing flying away with his weave in hand. “BABA BOY WAIT” Intruder said while flying after him. “NO. YOU’VE RUINED THE ONLY LIFE THAT I COULD EVER LIVE.” “I thought God did that-” Gab flew up to Heaven to be hired back as #epicarchangel but Intruder thrusted after him. “GAB. THIS ISN’T YOU.” “WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS ISN’T ME.” Intruder smooched Gab on the thigh and carried him away bridle style. “Wanna marry again homeboy” Gab changed his mind about being #epicarchangel because in the 2 seconds of him working there he got fired again because he called Archangel Micheal fat. “TAKE ME AWAY BABA BOY” Just then, JONAH THRUSTED IN. “How in the frickle frackle did you get into Heaven-” “The real question is why the fricken frackle is Heaven above Mandela County- I thought it was where Nazareth was.” Gab was #soflabbergasted that he did a full 180 baby all the way back to that flying McDonald’s that somehow stopped flying. “I want a whopper.” “THIS IS A WENDY’S” The cashier slapped Gab in the face but too bad for the cashier, Gab was actually the manager of the Wendy’s and turned it into a McDonald’s again. “NOW GIVE ME A WHOPPER” “We don’t use that kind of language in the church, my child.” The cashier said. It turns out, the cashier was none other than JESUS CHRIST.. “GABRIEL- DIDN’T YOU KILL HIM AT THE WEDDING-” Gab was #soflabbergasted that he fainted but got waken up 2 seconds later by Jesus kissing him on the lips. “True loves kiss I guess-” I said as I pulled an epic backflip. “I DON’T LOVE HIM.” Gab said as he ascended out of the McDonald’s and escaped to a random ass hotel. “Where in the nucleus are we-” Gab said as he T-posed for the 8 billionth time. Just then, a mysterious figure swooped past us. “You think it’s a g-g-g-g-ghost?” I said, clenching my teeth in fear. “It’s probably just N or something-” Just then, all the lights tuned off. “GARBIEL WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO” I say ever so scare-dly. “bro just shut up.” Gab slapped me but he actually tore me off his head. “GAB. DON’T LEAVE ME BEHIND. YOU’LL BE BALD FOREVER.” “Too bad, I have hair growing back right now you fool.” Gab turned around to see N holding some flowers in a wedding dress. “Actually you know what- You can stay. N gives me the creeps and you’re the only thing that can stop him.” “YASSS” I said while flinging myself back on to Gabriel’s scalp. Then for some reason, N started sobbing. “I’m so sorry, Garbiel…” N sobbed as he blew his nose on Gab’s robes. “MY FUCKING ROBES.” “God…He’s angry…! You called him and Micheal fat!” N said as he violently started dancing. “Hey, I say it as it is, it doesn’t make me a bitch.” Gab said as he twerked in gay. “You must hide… Far from here! Go..!” “Oh my, I love all this attention~…” “GO. LEAVE AND NEVER RETURN.” “AGH” Gab violently moaned as he ran out of the hotel and into the forest.
(Hey there, it’s me! Gab’s hair. I’m too lazy to write this goofy ass forest script so have a scene where Gab explains it instead.)
“So, yeah, we like, totally ran into the forest. I was freaking out because I started hallucinating. The trees were like grabbing us and shit and at first I was kind of turned on but my weave told me that they looked like people and I HATE people. Being social’s a bitch. Then I ran into one of the trees and they started tickling me. They told me that they would tickle my pickle for a nickel and I was EW GROSS SWIPE LEFT. Then I got really annoyed because then we fell down! And I was ‘Ooh~ Scream~’. Then we saw a bunch of those Crocker-Gators. So of course I was like “OOWAH”. Then I started getting really scared… And whenever I get scared I start to SNORT. So the entire time I was just like *SNOOORRTTT*SNOORTTT*SNORRT* But then we found this really nice house and I climbed in bed because I’m the true saviour so I deserve to treat myself. And yeah, that’s where we are now.”
All of the sudden, Gab and I got teleported to his past where we saw him drop a fancy tea kettle. Then, God stormed in. “*GASP* Oh, nice going Gabriel. You’ve ruined me fine china! I always knew you could never hold such a thing for so long. Now clean it up before I slap you with this golden frying pan!” Past Gab started ugly crying and flew away because he was #soashamed of himself. “Gab is this your villian arc-” I say while doing an epic backflip. Gab #epiclysighs and flies to where Past Gab was. We found past Gab crying in his bed feeling #soashamed. “Aww, you’re crying. That’s sad.” “No I’m not.” Then we heard creepy sexual oogie boogie laughter coming from the bed sheets. “AHA. THIS TIME IT WAS HIS CHINA. NEXT TIME IT’LL BE HIS HEAD. AHHH.” “Wow Gab. I never knew you were such a cringey gacha girl.” I said while violently shaking. “What do you mean bro- you were there.” “Huh. I must’ve been sleeping.” Just then, we got teleported back to the present where Inturder ran up to Gab and hugged him. “MY LITTLE GABEY WABEY BOOBOO BEAR. I NEARLY SHARTED WHEN I SAW YOU WERE GONE.” “well now im back sexy. you wanna do some hanky panky” “Aw shit. Here we go again.” I said while vibrating off Gab’s head and onto my wig stand. Gab started radiating rizz when he took his robes off and yeeted into the bed. “Alrighty my almighty. Time to decicrate my mate into staying up way too late watching Andrew Tate while feeling super great as I turn into four big guys all touching on your thighs as I start to cry because of your super homo-hotness.” “OH MY~” Gab farted as he and Intruder started agressively making out. Just then, there was a knock on the door. Intruder got up and put a shirt on and went downstairs. He gasped when he opened the door. “Oh god… not the RIZZLER.” “iM goNnA ruIn yoUr rOgS bBg” Intruder ran back upstairs to try and save Gab from this Rog Ruiner but it was too late. His dogs were already decimated and his grippers were already gobbled. “MY ROGS” Gab yelped in disbelief. “JACOB. THIS ISNT LIKE YOU.” The Rizzler excaimed as they thrusted feet first into Gab’s uterus. “NOT MY SILLY WILLY” “shut up garfield we all know you’re a bottom.